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February 22nd, 2006

05:36 am Misfit. Can't handle this on my own anymore. Current Mood: blah

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February 9th, 2006

04:23 pm Feels like something's coming. Doesn't feel like a good something either. Current Mood: anxious

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January 12th, 2006

12:01 am No, you know what, fuck you. Current Mood: pissed off

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November 2nd, 2005

04:34 am I'm restless. I don't belong here, or anywhere. I want to be happy again. It's been a long time. Current Mood: restless

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October 19th, 2005

01:28 pm Sometimes, mostly those sometimes when the sun finally starts peeking out from behind days of rainclouds, I feel like everything is going to be ok, somehow. Life has a way of working itself out, one way or another. And sometimes it doesn't work out the way you want it to. And sometimes that's ok, in the end. Sometimes it's just hard to wait not knowing the hows and whens. Current Mood: hopeful

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October 17th, 2005

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October 16th, 2005

08:13 am - Sleep is for the... lucky! No sleep for me. I haven't pulled an all-nighter in months. I still don't know if I really hate them or really like them. I tend to work best in one fell swoop anyway; doing things a piece here and a piece there tends to take me longer on the aggregate, because each time I go back to it, I have to look over everything and find where I was again. Anyway, it's amazing what a whole pot of coffee and a small army of sweet-and-low packets can get you through. I have to run for the train soon. The cat is giving me a very expectant look. I think that means she wants breakfast. Later on, I will probably have to sleep. After moot court is compiled and copied that is. Perhaps before I tackle Trusts, Wills and Estates (I think I'm on call tomorrow. :/) Ok, train and then subway into Boston. It's sunny again, finally! Maybe that's why I'm in a good mood. God, I missed the blue sky. It's kind of pathetic how sad I get when it rains, but it's kind of astounding how relieved I am when the sun comes out again. It's a trade-off, I guess. Off I go. -Dawn Sun! Current Mood: jubilant

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October 9th, 2005

03:39 pm I need to snap out of this awful mood. It's just not healthy, and I know it's extremely annoying. I kind of worry that everyone is really annoyed with me lately, but like I said, I can't blame them. Bah. If I could manage to wake up without a headache, that'd be awfully nice. This is the 5th or 6th day in a row I've woken up and gone to bed with a headache. It just won't go away. So yes, snapping out of this would be good. The power of positive thinking. Current Mood: rejected

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October 3rd, 2005

08:23 pm I can't do this. I can't. I can't cut it, and I guess that finally shows. I've gotten by on faking for entirely too long now; it had to catch up with me eventually right? I can't take this. I think I get why law school drives some people to suicide. I don't want to be a failure, but it sure looks like that's the track I'm heading down. I'm never going to find a job for this summer, and that'll just wind up screwing me when I graduate. I can't even hack the procses; I'm tired and I feel sick. And I'm terrified that I've screwed everything up so badly that there's no recovery. I'm really actually afraid. Frightened. I don't like feeling this way; I hate it. I hate it so much and there's nothing I can do about that either. I've managed to piss off both my parents with this whole thing. They've yelled and screamed and told me to get the hell over myself. But it's not like I'm trying to freak out. It's not like I want my stomach tied in knots so tight that I haven't eaten a thing all day and still feel awful and nauseous and sick. I don't want to be miserable. I'm not trying to be, or to make their lives harder. But that sure seems to be what I'm doing. I can't do this. It's too much and I'm just not good enough. I see that now. Current Mood: guilty

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September 24th, 2005

08:58 pm Dear Diary, Today my life got *that* much better, in one fell swoop. POCKETWATCHESANDSIGNEDTINS make the world go round. <333333333 Current Mood: ecstatic

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September 13th, 2005

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September 11th, 2005

03:46 am I'm not cut out for any of this. I wish it were more a surprise to find this out. Current Mood: nervous

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September 10th, 2005

03:34 am And sometimes I think of you and all I feel is a low and blunted ache. It's impossible to miss things that you never had in the first place, isn't it? But it's the same sort of ache I find in church these days, when I go expecting to feel that belonging, completeness I remember as a child. Yeah, I miss you like that. Current Mood: thoughtful

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August 31st, 2005

04:15 pm Poor Ishmael is not doing well. He is currently medicated and swimming around lethargically in his bowl, which makes me sad. I really hope the medicine works though. I <3 Ish and do not want him to go to the great fishbowl in the sky. Jean-Luc, on the other hand? Happy, healthy, angsty and BEAUTIFUL. Just ask him. He'll tell you. I want coffee. But do I make coffee or go get coffee? This a dilemma. Perhaps I will make it as it is rainy and gross outside. Extremely rainy and extremely gross. Coffee... Current Mood: thirsty

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August 29th, 2005

07:15 pm I hate myself sometimes. Simple as that. Current Mood: blah

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August 26th, 2005

10:51 pm The Lake, this year as always, was beautiful. Part of me feels really just... peaceful here. It sounds cliche, but it's pretty true. And it's about as concisely as I can put it. I love the water, the quiet. It's nice. And I say quiet even though there were 20 people in and out of this house at different times during this week. Back at home, school is waiting and coming up fast. There's rent due and interviews and suits to have tailored. There's... a lot of things just sort of waiting that I would put off if I had the option. But then, there are good reasons to go back home too. September should be a very very interesting month, yes. Here at the lake, though, I sat around a campfire and talked and sang. Here I jetskied all over the lake, swam for hours in deep water. I watched the nighttime sky and counted shooting stars. It's idyllic really. I love it here. But I've missed a few people. So going home will be a good thing too. One more night. Everything is packed except my i-pod, my laptop, my book, my journal and my pajamas. We'll come back next summer, ideally, but well, until then, it's back to the same old school year cycle. And that's ok. For just a little while I have been, and maybe for just a little while longer I will be, content. Current Mood: content

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August 18th, 2005

04:49 pm I wish I weren't such an insecure person; sometimes I kind of worry it makes me come across as jealous. I mean, I shouldn't look for constant reassurances, right? I should take have more faith in people than that. It's just harder than I thought, I guess. I've been bitten before; and now I'm just a little shy of getting bitten again. Blah! Time to learn to get over myself. It's a process of growth, I suppose. Current Mood: sleepy

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August 16th, 2005

07:07 pm Someday, I'll say what I really mean. I think things'll get awfully quiet then. Current Mood: blah

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August 14th, 2005

09:31 pm - Dawn Writes Horrible Love Poetry Umm yeah. This one. Rain's Vigil Rain's been falling freely, now, For countless weeks of days and nights, I've been watching window panes, And water-drenched, dim street lights. Watching water play it course Down the glass in winding trails, Trying so hard to see your face, But dreaming falters, memory fails. Can I miss you, when it's been, Forever since I've touched your hand, Wrapped in thoughts and blanket throws, Too long unmoved to stand And walk the steps to the place Where I know you softly sleep, To bend down low and kiss your lips Confess I've fallen, long and deep. But rain falls steady on, and so, I keep my vigil with the storm, Imagine I'm allowed to hold you, Keep you safe and keep you warm. In your sleeping, deep and peaceful, Do you ever dream of me? Murmer words of love, belonging, Of all the things that we could be? Oh I would whisper, soft, and promise Secrets that would make me cry, How difficult to say I love you, While the rain clouds still drift by. Current Mood: tired

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04:59 pm Rain. Where'd that come from? Hmm. Current Mood: dorky

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